I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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