when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
