My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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