last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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