Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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