he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am one with the molecules
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I pour the whiskey from now on
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
