in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
