I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
