remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
