Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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