Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
