You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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