You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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