he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
