Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
