Where is the hickey?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
