she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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