The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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