Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
40s are totally the cure
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
