I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
