It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
