My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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