ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
