So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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