This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
