just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
