He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
