So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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