I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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