I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
