Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im holly from the hills drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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