This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
