I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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