I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
