thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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