I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
