I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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