He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My vagina is officially offended.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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