You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
