Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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