im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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