i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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