tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
