drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Boobs speak an international language.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
