Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
