I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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