The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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