Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
