My hand turned me down
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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