I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
