I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
